she’s gone

After 13 1/2 months my beautiful baby girl left to go live with her Grandma. I can not go into the untruths and innuendos that made this so scary for us. Last Friday I had to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. With my girls by my side I handed my sweet baby to someone she did not know and walked away while she screamed my name. No transition. I have been on the other end of this four times. I know she will grieve and eventually will be ok. I know she will not remember me just as my babies do not remember their first caregivers. I know we have other children and other babies but they are not interchangeable. She is gone and has left a gaping hole in our hearts.

In this situation I am thankful for her grandma who I believe is a good person. When I gave her her grandchild, she told me we are now family. On Tuesday she called me and asked how we are doing. She told me the baby loves me and says thank you. She made my heart smile. My girl is a with a good person.

So weird to be on this end, to be the one left with the memories.

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6 thoughts on “she’s gone

  1. that has to be the hardest thing that a mother will ever have to do. I really hope her grandmother keeps you connected and that you get to see her again.

  2. Wow, no transition? Poor little baby girl! It’s so hard letting go. But you did a great job! I still grieve for the baby I had two years ago. She also went to Grandparents. I keep lurking on their Facebook pages hoping for a sneak peek. She is two now. I did finally see a picture on her Aunts page. That made me happy. The two I have now have been with us for 10 months. They are a 3 year old boy and a 5 year old girl. These are my first older placements. The 3 year old is a handful. So much of a handful like you would not believe! Sometimes it is so bad I want to give up. But then the next day I pick myself up and go on. LOL!

  3. You are a wonderful person. Each and every time we have talked about fostering, I have pulled back simply because I know I could not do what you did.

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