she’s gone

After 13 1/2 months my beautiful baby girl left to go live with her Grandma. I can not go into the untruths and innuendos that made this so scary for us. Last Friday I had to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. With my girls by my side I handed my sweet baby to someone she did not know and walked away while she screamed my name. No transition. I have been on the other end of this four times. I know she will grieve and eventually will be ok. I know she will not remember me just as my babies do not remember their first caregivers. I know we have other children and other babies but they are not interchangeable. She is gone and has left a gaping hole in our hearts.

In this situation I am thankful for her grandma who I believe is a good person. When I gave her her grandchild, she told me we are now family. On Tuesday she called me and asked how we are doing. She told me the baby loves me and says thank you. She made my heart smile. My girl is a with a good person.

So weird to be on this end, to be the one left with the memories.


Things you have missed this year…

In no particular order…

Bunny turned 16

Squizbo joined our tribe all brand new and tiny

Will and Ethan spent a month this summer in Iowa

Bunny performed at Carnegie Hall. Ah-Mazing!!!!

Will and Ethan turned 14

Henry and Delila started kindergarten

I moved all my kids to an awesome crunchy school and they are all blissfully happy and thriving

Taytay and Papaya learned to walk, then run and climb. Holy crap!

Delila and Henry turned 5

We slept less and drank a lot of coffee

Bunny joined “pony club”

I loved more than I thought possible

Henry fell on his face and knocked out his front tooth. There was a lot of blood and I freaked out. Delila cried because she was soooooo jealous that she did not lose a tooth. The fairy brought him $5.

We drove cross country with the kids, two dogs and three babies…we will never do it again. It was a great vacay just exhausting. We spent a week at My Mom and Dad’s house.

Will started playing the Alto recorder

Squizbo, sat up crawled and pulled up on furniture all in the span of three weeks. Again holy crap!

Delila fell in love with finger knitting

Bunny got her drivers license

Ethan started playing the Clarinet